Broken strings
Moved
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
With every word another feeling dies. I'm left here in the dark, no memories of you.
I went for a photoshoot with Andrea today :) Piggy was the photographer. Ahaha it was pretty fun though the weather was a little hot. It rained after we were done and I did a shot in the rain. I'm waiting for the pictures... and when I get it I'll post it up. Hehehe. It was really fun.
-
Happiness.
Happiness is a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.What is it with me and Happiness? I don't know what I want. I only know if I can make you happy, I'll do it, whether I like it or not. Even to the extent of doing what I don't want to... Why doesn't anyone bother listening to my opinions? Why do I always have to be the one to comply to everyone's whims and whines? Why does nobody acknowledge that I've made a stand? Why is it always about you you you and never once about me? Does that really make you happy? Because it doesn't make me happy if you're not.. and that you've trampled all over me. All I want is for someone to just let me know I'm around and that you are truly happy because I won't be if you're not. Gah.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I'm a mess but you're worse.
Went for a haircut with Lydia today :) Then we went to walk around for a while and bought quite a lot of stuff.
And because Andrea wasn't feeling too well we got something for her :)
An angel in a wicket basket with a floral-design cloth as its border, a ribbon DIY-ed onto the handle, a rhinoceros peg with a ribbon DIY-ed onto it and a folded pink rose :)
Adele, Jason, Wilson and I went to study in games room on Tuesday. We had Family Feast and played poker/taiti/pairpair after that. It felt like a hotel so we did everything we could do at a hotel hahaha. The pictures got messed up so I will not bother to see which I did not upload and I'm lazy to elaborate on what happened so there. xD I have been pretty lazy these few days :(
If you can tell, we were trying to make the word 'love' and 'fuck' in the bendy mirror. hahahahaahhhahhahah i'm sorry it's called, boredom.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you very very much, cuz i hate what you do, i hate your whole crew so please don't stay in touch.
I've had enough of your shit. I know I shouldn't be saying all this but this time, you crossed the limit. As a Christian I should be loving everyone and trying to live in harmony, but there's a limit to my anger. I will not take back anything I'm going to type here and I am fully aware that once I submit this up to the internet, there is no way I can say I never said this, so you have my word.
You think you're a fucking princess. We have to treat you like servants, giving all the best to you. Come on man, you monkey piece of jabroni shit. Look at yourself first. You call yourself a Christian too? You want to know what a true Christian is? PLEASE DON'T JUST PAY FUCKING LIP SERVICE. YOU BRING THE NAME OF CHRISTIANS DOWN. Please stay FAR FAR, SO DAMN FAR AWAY from relating yourself to true Christians.
Mom and Dad are old. They are not young like us. And you are not working. So PLEASE FUCKING TREAT THEM WITH RESPECT. Dad is working like an ass out there and Mom is trying hard to do all the household chores and taking care of us. You know Dad doesn't have a really good job and Mom is ill. And what are you doing? You ask Dad to buy you a camera, buy you this buy you that, and then you don't even THANK HIM. Mom buys dinner home after 4 everyday and she even let you know you have to let her know by 4 if you want dinner or not BUT YOU DON'T. Then when there's leftovers YOU DON'T EAT THEM AT ALL EVEN IF IT'S FUCKING ONE DAY OLD. YOU FUCKING SLUTBAG.
Then one day Dad and Mom decides to buy a nice new lappy. It's supposed to be shared by everyone like the main comp. But no, you always HOG THE FUCKING LAPTOP, you fucking KEEP IT LIKE YOUR WOMAN. It's the same with the main comp. When anybody asks to use, yes you let them use ONLY AFTER AN APPROXIMATE WAIT OF 15 MINS. YOU THINK YOU'RE SOME FUCKING BIG SHOT, YOU THINK YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT, YOU NEVER LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR. YOU THINK YOU'RE A FUCKING PRINCESS YOU WHORE.
I merely asked to swap comps, I had to wait for a whole fucking 20 mins. Then when you packed up your stuff and left YOU GAVE ME THE FUCKING CHAO CHEE BYE FACE YOU ALWAYS GIVE WHEN I ASK TO USE THE COMP. How long have you been doing all this shit? You think Mom and Dad earns one fucking million singapore dollars a month is it, or maybe a week? You think the world revolves around you right? SINCE LAST YEAR YOU HAD THIS FUCKING PRINCESS ATTITUDE. I HAVE KEPT MY BLOODY MOUTH SHUT. I HAVE STOPPED BOTHERING TO PICK A FIGHT WITH YOU BUT THIS TIME YOU FUCKING BLEW YOUR CHANCE.
You ask for things like it's your fucking right, you do things like the world owes you, you talk as if EVERYONE MUST BOW DOWN AND KISS YOUR FUCKING FEET. OH MY EFF EVEN THE DICTIONARY DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH WORDS OR EVEN THE APPROPRIATE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOUR HUMJINESS, YOU FUCKING BITCH.
Oh, you don't wash the dishes too. NOT EVEN YOUR OWN ONES even when Mom and Dad FUCKING asks NICELY. YES PRINCESS, SO HIGH AND MIGHTY WITH YOUR FUCKING HEAD UP IN THE CLOUDS OF WHAT? SHIT.
Whenever you ask me for things, I MUST GIVE TO YOU IMMEDIATELY. If I make you wait you will throw a fucking HISSY PRINCESS FIT and put the rest of my mood down. So then FUCKING PRINCESS, the world fucking revolves around you now huh. You think everyone's wrong, and when Mom and Dad try to correct you, YOU FUCKING SHOOT THEM DOWN. THINK YOU'RE SO HIGH AND MIGHTY? I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO GO OUT INTO SOCIETY AND SHOOT YOUR OWN FUCKING FEET.
So from today onwards, I, Dinah, does not have any siblings whatsoever. Please do not speak to him about me because HE FUCKING ASKED FOR IT. I do not hate him, I just simply cannot find a way to talk to such snobs. I think you talk to a stubborn ah lian out there who keeps screaming nonsense at you also easier to talk to. And you know how sometimes ah lians can out talk you. YOU CAN'T OUT TALK THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Your words are heaven but it hurts, your words are memories but they burn.
I kept a part of you to remind myself your murderer was me.
i'm really tired.-
I REMEMBER :being picked on. being ostracised. still growing. being late on the last 2 days of primary school life. playing volleyball on concrete ground. gambling in class but never got caught. being ugly. hanging out with vivian&co during christmas at orchard road. crashing the void decks at night. getting my braces done. still being ugly. being depressed, suicidal, emotional. having no friends. hating myself.
slitting my wrists. swearing and cussing at random passers-by. walking in the rain alone. watching movies alone. doing everything alone. being close to vivian. missing the english exam in sec 2. writing stories with juma'ah. laughing a lot in class and not paying attention with valery, vivian and brenda. failing history with 49.9. being posted in e1 with brenda.
DDR. junk food parties with lydia. spending lots of money in the arcade. making new friends. going places with the arcade people. understanding gays. kidnapping jeffrey just to DDR. still being ugly. missing spongebob. loving the merlion. 24 december 2007. learning how to kiss. that night. deciding i'll be richer if i stopped frequenting the arcade and i really got richer. opening a blogshop with andrea for fun. being bankrupt.
making some friends in sec 3. being happier. looking a bit more average. blasting loud music into my ears while walking along the streets. byebye&yesterday. failing a.maths forever. staying up late reminiscing about nothing. being stupid. how i hated chinese so much. breaking up with the wrong guy.
the dream i'll never have. how you kissed me on those steps. my sweet mistake. the night i walked away. how i murdered you. how i never turned back. 27 december 2007. living in the fool's masquerade of joy. missing out on Jesus. all of them calling me but i turned them down for something i thought was much better. how stupid i was, and still am.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
